Dear Readers,
First my personal congratulations on reading this blogg. Weather you are a tour de force around the home or are looking to hone your domestic skills you have taken the first step towards the beautiful home and perfect life. I have many years of experience keeping and managing a beautiful homosexual home, looking after my fine man, holding a high standing in my local community and even an incredibly successful career. Over the following months I will share with you my secrets on how to be the perfect gay housewife.
But before we go any further I feel it is worth taking a few moments to explore who the gay house wife is and what characteristics he posses. He is a relative new phenomenon, bourn out of an increasingly liberalized society, civil partnership, the pink pound and Elton and David.
The term “gay housewife” should not be misinterpreted. The label housewife does not necessarily mean he stays at home. It is entirely possible that the gay housewife continues to work while running the home, sometimes holding positions of great power in business. However, while, maintaining a position in industry he proudly wares the title housewife because one of his greatest passions in life is his home and the activities surrounding its running.
Of course, it is also entirely possible he may chose (or be lucky enough) not to work but remain at home while his partner earns a fortune. Either way, the gay housewife is a man with a great ambition for his home. He will, of course, have excellent taste and this will be reflected in the look and feel of his home. Decisions regarding color schemes, furnishings and fabrics will have been made with meticulous detail and a contemporary eye before the workmen begin their labors. Of course he does not follow the crowds or immediately jump to what ever is currently the height of interior fashion. He will be bold and individual in his aesthetic decision-making resulting in a truly unique and personal environment for him and his partner to live in.
More often than not he will be an excellent cook creating both nutritious and exciting meals. He will be well versed in many international flavors and always on the look out for something exciting and new. He believes in using only the finest ingredients he can afford and can often be found in farmers markets purchasing fresh, organic meat and vegetables. Throwing a large dinner party for 4 or 20 of his fabulous friends in not a chore but an opportunity to be savored since he can show off both his fine skills in the kitchen and wonderful new dinner service from Heals.
Not only is the home at the centre of his life, his man is too. Now those of you who don’t currently have a man, fear not, if you follow my advice in the coming months on how to find a Husband you to will be able to share in the joys of the beautiful home with another sole. However, one does not necessarily need a man to be a good housewife, because keeping a wonderful home is as much for yourself as it is for others. The gay housewife who has a man will know how to please him be it with an intimate candle lit dinner at home, in the bedroom or anywhere in the house, and, of course, if he has chosen his partner wisely his attentions will be rewarded with attention, gifts, holidays and more. After all boys, this isn’t the 1950’s, it is perfectly alright to expect an equal parity in your relationship.
Finally and above all else the gay housewife will be a gentleman. He will be gentile and courteous with others, make sparkling dinner conversation, handle heated discussion with a fair and even hand and always treat his man and home with love and respect.
Now, dear reader, for a word of caution, not every queer who aspires to domestic bliss will make it. This is a sad fact but it must be addressed properly. As I have discovered some try only to fail and the fall out is not a pretty sight; poorly chosen color scheme’s, couples in matching outfits, pictures bought from Ikea, a dry martini that is too wet, the list goes on my friends and it can make truly horrific reading. Can you imagine seeing a Footballer’s “biography” in your presence let alone on coffee tables - in your friends home! I will stop the grim tales because I am only upsetting myself.
You could have to face the very real fact you are a slob, but have become so wrapped up in your middle class values the your truly vulgar nature is hidden beneath layers of social conditioning. To save yourself the crushing pain of failing to be the perfect gay housewife and others the abhorrent sight of your failure I recommend you answer the following questions to see weather you are gay housewife material.
- What is a Mojito?
- Do you shop in Ikea?
- Where would you find a dado rail?
- Is it impolite to put ones glass down without drinking after making a toast?
So how did we do? If you answered cocktail, no, on a wall and yes; Welcome, a truly exciting journey begins here! If you simply don’t understand a Mojito or shop in Ikea, I am truly sorry. There is no hope for you. Please put this book down, gay housewifery is not for you. Instead of trying to improve yourself, I suggest you make some baked beans on toast and watch an episode of Casualty – that is more your level.
Next time; The Kitchen - the heart of every home.
First my personal congratulations on reading this blogg. Weather you are a tour de force around the home or are looking to hone your domestic skills you have taken the first step towards the beautiful home and perfect life. I have many years of experience keeping and managing a beautiful homosexual home, looking after my fine man, holding a high standing in my local community and even an incredibly successful career. Over the following months I will share with you my secrets on how to be the perfect gay housewife.
But before we go any further I feel it is worth taking a few moments to explore who the gay house wife is and what characteristics he posses. He is a relative new phenomenon, bourn out of an increasingly liberalized society, civil partnership, the pink pound and Elton and David.
The term “gay housewife” should not be misinterpreted. The label housewife does not necessarily mean he stays at home. It is entirely possible that the gay housewife continues to work while running the home, sometimes holding positions of great power in business. However, while, maintaining a position in industry he proudly wares the title housewife because one of his greatest passions in life is his home and the activities surrounding its running.
Of course, it is also entirely possible he may chose (or be lucky enough) not to work but remain at home while his partner earns a fortune. Either way, the gay housewife is a man with a great ambition for his home. He will, of course, have excellent taste and this will be reflected in the look and feel of his home. Decisions regarding color schemes, furnishings and fabrics will have been made with meticulous detail and a contemporary eye before the workmen begin their labors. Of course he does not follow the crowds or immediately jump to what ever is currently the height of interior fashion. He will be bold and individual in his aesthetic decision-making resulting in a truly unique and personal environment for him and his partner to live in.
More often than not he will be an excellent cook creating both nutritious and exciting meals. He will be well versed in many international flavors and always on the look out for something exciting and new. He believes in using only the finest ingredients he can afford and can often be found in farmers markets purchasing fresh, organic meat and vegetables. Throwing a large dinner party for 4 or 20 of his fabulous friends in not a chore but an opportunity to be savored since he can show off both his fine skills in the kitchen and wonderful new dinner service from Heals.
Not only is the home at the centre of his life, his man is too. Now those of you who don’t currently have a man, fear not, if you follow my advice in the coming months on how to find a Husband you to will be able to share in the joys of the beautiful home with another sole. However, one does not necessarily need a man to be a good housewife, because keeping a wonderful home is as much for yourself as it is for others. The gay housewife who has a man will know how to please him be it with an intimate candle lit dinner at home, in the bedroom or anywhere in the house, and, of course, if he has chosen his partner wisely his attentions will be rewarded with attention, gifts, holidays and more. After all boys, this isn’t the 1950’s, it is perfectly alright to expect an equal parity in your relationship.
Finally and above all else the gay housewife will be a gentleman. He will be gentile and courteous with others, make sparkling dinner conversation, handle heated discussion with a fair and even hand and always treat his man and home with love and respect.
Now, dear reader, for a word of caution, not every queer who aspires to domestic bliss will make it. This is a sad fact but it must be addressed properly. As I have discovered some try only to fail and the fall out is not a pretty sight; poorly chosen color scheme’s, couples in matching outfits, pictures bought from Ikea, a dry martini that is too wet, the list goes on my friends and it can make truly horrific reading. Can you imagine seeing a Footballer’s “biography” in your presence let alone on coffee tables - in your friends home! I will stop the grim tales because I am only upsetting myself.
You could have to face the very real fact you are a slob, but have become so wrapped up in your middle class values the your truly vulgar nature is hidden beneath layers of social conditioning. To save yourself the crushing pain of failing to be the perfect gay housewife and others the abhorrent sight of your failure I recommend you answer the following questions to see weather you are gay housewife material.
- What is a Mojito?
- Do you shop in Ikea?
- Where would you find a dado rail?
- Is it impolite to put ones glass down without drinking after making a toast?
So how did we do? If you answered cocktail, no, on a wall and yes; Welcome, a truly exciting journey begins here! If you simply don’t understand a Mojito or shop in Ikea, I am truly sorry. There is no hope for you. Please put this book down, gay housewifery is not for you. Instead of trying to improve yourself, I suggest you make some baked beans on toast and watch an episode of Casualty – that is more your level.
Next time; The Kitchen - the heart of every home.
posted by Arthur Stewart at 9:58 pm
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