Creating The Perfect Kitchen:
The Kitchen is the strong hold of every gay housewife and the centre of his home. This is the most important room in the house to perfect before moving on to the rest of your home. Without a well designed and functional (yes this normally dirty word is allowed in the kitchen) you cannot run a successful household. Simple tasks such as preparing a Gruyere and Trogon soufflé with char grilled asparagus or producing several extensive flower arrangements for a dinner party will fill you with dread rather than insurmountable pleasure. This is why we have to allow functionality into the kitchen. The enemy of truly inspiring design, functionality has ruined many a fine design concept. I’d love to see what Herzog + de Meuron would come up with it people didn’t actually have to use their buildings. Just image the Tate modern without the fucking tourists! Aesthetic dreaming aside, it is possible to combine both the functional and the beautiful, it just takes a little time and effort. Look to Wallpaper and Elle Interiors for inspiration and of course your own highly developed sense of style.
When you have wrestled to “functional” into your consciousness it is worth taking your time over the planning of this room since as a happy housewife you will spend a great deal of time in this room performing one joyous task after another. Therefore it is important to spend as much as you can afford or squeeze you husband hard for cash when fitting out this you room. I would say anything between £15,000 and £30,000 is an acceptable sum. If you spend any less there is every chance the neighbors will have a superior kitchen and spending any more is quite simply brazen. Very clever people can often produce computer pictures of what your kitchen will look like when all is done. I highly recommend seeking this option, as it will allow you look for potential problems i.e. will a spatula be in easy reach while standing at you 6 hob NEF chrome range? This error unchecked could ruin many a fine dish and dare I say cause long term damage to your mental health.
Once decided on layout, the style of your kitchen is entirely up to you. You should choose something that reflects your personality. I.e. you read the Guardian therefore recycled materials, economy, ecology and middle class guilt are all things to keep an eye out for, or you may work in the city therefore will probably want every thing coated in black ash with chrome trimmings. While black and chrome are perfectly acceptable aesthetic choices please avoid the black ash, the 80’s are well over, try something like acrylic or even treated coal. I personally have gone for a sleek modern kitchen by Rational Die Kuche and tiling by Bisazza. Needless to say, all the neighbors envy me.
When you have planned, built and decorated the kitchen of your dreams you are now ready to make this room the hub of your home. There is no practical method to this other than time a dedication to your task, however I can offer the following handy hints:
- Food; its preparation and consumption are, of course, the kitchens primary use therefore by its very nature people, will be drawn to this room
- Socializing; eating is a very social activity and by providing meals such a breakfast, light lunches and evening meals in the kitchen will ensure your man come to you rather than you seeking him in your vast home.
- Install a music system – music playing gently in the background will draw people to a room and make tiresome chores fly by.
Finally dear readers, some suggested reading for the kitchen:
Nigel Slater, Any book he’s ever written
Gents, as I will say again and again through out this homage à la maison, in order to achieve results in the home one simply has to be able to deliver in the kitchen above all else and at all cost. Nigel, God-Bless him, has many exciting but very simple recipes that work time and time again. I recommend this veritable volume to the beginner and the advanced alike. He also writes about food in a highly sexual manner, which along with a good spin cycle, is guaranteed to brighten up a rainy Tuesday afternoon!
Delia Smith, Any book she’s ever written
She has dragged the British public's idea of food out of the dark ages. Now we all know what Basil is! Thank you for the food, for giving it to me!
Nigella (who needs no surname), Any book’s ever written
A lady with no fear of calories - her chocolate puddings have brought more happiness to the queer world than Freddie Ljungberg’s CK adverts.
Finally dear readers, please feel free to get in touch to share handy household tips and any hot decorating tips you have!
Next time: Icons and Demons of the gay Housewife! Anthea Turner watch out!
Find me on MySpace and be my friend!
The Kitchen is the strong hold of every gay housewife and the centre of his home. This is the most important room in the house to perfect before moving on to the rest of your home. Without a well designed and functional (yes this normally dirty word is allowed in the kitchen) you cannot run a successful household. Simple tasks such as preparing a Gruyere and Trogon soufflé with char grilled asparagus or producing several extensive flower arrangements for a dinner party will fill you with dread rather than insurmountable pleasure. This is why we have to allow functionality into the kitchen. The enemy of truly inspiring design, functionality has ruined many a fine design concept. I’d love to see what Herzog + de Meuron would come up with it people didn’t actually have to use their buildings. Just image the Tate modern without the fucking tourists! Aesthetic dreaming aside, it is possible to combine both the functional and the beautiful, it just takes a little time and effort. Look to Wallpaper and Elle Interiors for inspiration and of course your own highly developed sense of style.
When you have wrestled to “functional” into your consciousness it is worth taking your time over the planning of this room since as a happy housewife you will spend a great deal of time in this room performing one joyous task after another. Therefore it is important to spend as much as you can afford or squeeze you husband hard for cash when fitting out this you room. I would say anything between £15,000 and £30,000 is an acceptable sum. If you spend any less there is every chance the neighbors will have a superior kitchen and spending any more is quite simply brazen. Very clever people can often produce computer pictures of what your kitchen will look like when all is done. I highly recommend seeking this option, as it will allow you look for potential problems i.e. will a spatula be in easy reach while standing at you 6 hob NEF chrome range? This error unchecked could ruin many a fine dish and dare I say cause long term damage to your mental health.
Once decided on layout, the style of your kitchen is entirely up to you. You should choose something that reflects your personality. I.e. you read the Guardian therefore recycled materials, economy, ecology and middle class guilt are all things to keep an eye out for, or you may work in the city therefore will probably want every thing coated in black ash with chrome trimmings. While black and chrome are perfectly acceptable aesthetic choices please avoid the black ash, the 80’s are well over, try something like acrylic or even treated coal. I personally have gone for a sleek modern kitchen by Rational Die Kuche and tiling by Bisazza. Needless to say, all the neighbors envy me.
When you have planned, built and decorated the kitchen of your dreams you are now ready to make this room the hub of your home. There is no practical method to this other than time a dedication to your task, however I can offer the following handy hints:
- Food; its preparation and consumption are, of course, the kitchens primary use therefore by its very nature people, will be drawn to this room
- Socializing; eating is a very social activity and by providing meals such a breakfast, light lunches and evening meals in the kitchen will ensure your man come to you rather than you seeking him in your vast home.
- Install a music system – music playing gently in the background will draw people to a room and make tiresome chores fly by.
Finally dear readers, some suggested reading for the kitchen:
Nigel Slater, Any book he’s ever written
Gents, as I will say again and again through out this homage à la maison, in order to achieve results in the home one simply has to be able to deliver in the kitchen above all else and at all cost. Nigel, God-Bless him, has many exciting but very simple recipes that work time and time again. I recommend this veritable volume to the beginner and the advanced alike. He also writes about food in a highly sexual manner, which along with a good spin cycle, is guaranteed to brighten up a rainy Tuesday afternoon!
Delia Smith, Any book she’s ever written
She has dragged the British public's idea of food out of the dark ages. Now we all know what Basil is! Thank you for the food, for giving it to me!
Nigella (who needs no surname), Any book’s ever written
A lady with no fear of calories - her chocolate puddings have brought more happiness to the queer world than Freddie Ljungberg’s CK adverts.
Finally dear readers, please feel free to get in touch to share handy household tips and any hot decorating tips you have!
Next time: Icons and Demons of the gay Housewife! Anthea Turner watch out!
Find me on MySpace and be my friend!
posted by Arthur Stewart at 3:02 pm
1 Comments:
Re functionality: there is nothing wrong with it, as that aesthete William Morris proclaimed.
"Have nothing in your home that you do not believe to be beautiful or useful"
An elegy to high design, but design is nothing if it is not useful. As you will know if you have ever seen those awful decorated pots of pot pourri, spun wivker balls of varying sizes, or an "earth tones triptych canvas" Unspeakably awful
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