N.B. Now updated with mostly correct spelling; I really should stop dictating these things but finding the time to write it myself! Anyway, read on with, hopefully, correct spelling...
A Brief History
Welcome back dear readers for another installment of this indispensable guide to Homosexual Happiness in the Home. We are now well underway on our journey through the wonderful world of queer housekeeping and I hope you are enjoying our time together. If not, as I have previously said, you are probably a slob therefore should close the browser on your cheap computer, switch it off, put on a velour tracksuit and hang out by a bus stop with other kindred spirits.
Now for those of you with true potential I feel I should share with you a bit about myself so you can understand where I came from and what motivates me in the home. I have had much the same asked by several eager readers so now I will share all with you. Dear readers, I was born in Windsor where I grew up in a charming little English hamlet named, Little Dimsbottom. It was while at secondary school in Home Economics classes under the fine tutelage of the veritable Mrs Dinney that I became interested in domesticity. I was a wiz with budgeting for the home, darning socks came easily, I could make a pinney blindfolded (an apron for my American readers) and could whip up a nutritionally balanced yet tasty meal for a family of four in a matter of minutes. My mother was on a permanent holiday in her own home and by the time I was 15 I didn’t even need recipe books – I was writing them. Where do you think Jamie Oliver got his inspiration? Me behind a bike shed – that’s where; and we all know how the gay housewife feels about him!
Anyway, showing early promise I was chosen to attend the “Conservatoire pour la Maison Homosexuelle”*, a queer finishing school in San Francisco. It was there in the view of the Golden Gate’s massive span I honed my skills as a host, studying every thing from embroidery to scrap booking to cuisines of the world. My crowning achievement was, at only 18 years of age, throwing a lavish dinner party for 250 Naval Officers on shore leave. Yes, at that tender age my skills were stretched, but the throbbing round of applause I received at the end of the night showed me my destiny was as a host in my own perfect homosexual home.
However, at this point I was not ready to be married and settle down. Although my already massive experience as a host was no small achievement I still felt rough around the edges, however I was soon to find my polish. While holidaying in the South of France with my parents the summer after graduating with honors and decorations from Conservatoire pour la Maison Homosexuelle we visited my “single” uncle, Tristan’s chateau, beautifully named, Le Grand Bite. It was here I first truly saw perfect homosexual domesticity; his interior decoration was sublime, the chateau’s grounds were kept in excellent condition, his cooking was exceptional and he managed the help with a firm but fair hand. It was while sipping a fine Veuve Clicquot on his terrace overlooking the grandeur of the Alps he happened to mention his “friend”, who lived with him, was establishing a degree course in Homosexual Housekeeping at Cambridge University, commencing in October the following year. At once I knew this was the only course for me and I would be its star pupil.
After taking a gap year helping those suffering from scrap booking and needle work disasters I commenced my studies at Peterhouse College, Cambridge, under the watchful eye of, evidently, my uncles partner, the wonderful Harry McBurney. Here I was able to experiment with all areas of homemaking with absolute freedom to both succeed and fail; it was bliss. Sometime during the spring of my second year we were lucky enough to have a guest lecture from the renowned homemaker and philanthropist Edwin DuPrez. The title of his speech was “Healing through Homemaking”, he had done a great deal of research on the regenerative powers running a good home can have on the individual, with particular reference to those who lived in Hull. He had successfully used devices such as hosting dinner parties, cake decorating and antiquing to rehabilitate over 14 gay men from Hull. To this day they are all running happy homes in London – some of them were even Chavs. To say I was inspired by his work is an understatement; DuPrez showed me my profession was not something solely for the benefit of the gay family unit, but society as a whole. I took this new approach to the heart of my work, which resulted in “Chavs – causes and potential remedies using homemaking as a cure”, my prize-winning thesis. This helped me achieve a double first and, unsurprisingly, come out top of my class.
It was only natural that I should go on to do my MHomoEc with such a success at an undergraduate level. I continued Du Prez’s healing through homemaking approach to my studies with “When Functionality fails in the Kitchen and it’s effect on the mind of the gay housewife” as my MHomoEc research topic and achieved a similar success to my undergrad dissertation. It was also during this year I met my now husband, William Haughton Riess Bullock, at the time an Economics’ MEc student. He was a benefactor of “Bake Sales for Justice”, a society I ran at Peterhouse and through that association he came to one of my many fabulous dinner parties thrown in aid of the poor. Bing a proper gentleman he called on my rooms a few days later to thank me for my hospitality so I invited him in for a cup of coffee. We hit it off over my divine home roast Columbian and Robusta blend, and well, the rest is history.
After completing my MHomoEc I wanted nothing more than to make a home with William but I also wanted to bring my studies to their final conclusion, in the form of a Phd, yes my dears, I wanted to be a doctor of Homo Economics. I was fortunate enough to be able to kill two birds with one stone when Lloyds of London sought William out for a top job in the city. This provided an ideal opportunity. “Perfect Homosexual Domesticity for the Gay Housewife”, my Phd, could now be fully researched and written for William now had the means for us to set up a magnificent first home, in which I could conduct my research. Yes my dears, that Phd research is the basis for this guide you are now reading.
Sadly William and I are not in our wonderful first home any more. However, we sold at a profit and moved for William to be closer to his work and for me to be closer to the resources every gay housewife needs i.e. Harrods, Waitrose and Spa’s. We now live in a thoroughly modern 3-floor loft conversion in Shorditch, taking occasional weekend breaks to our cottage in Devon. So there we have it dear readers, me and my life. I hope you have enjoyed reading about my truly blessed life. Remember, you to can live like I do simply by following my handy hints. If you have any questions or tips please feel free to get in touch via MySpace or email
Next time: Location, location, location; where to locate your perfect gay home.
*any good housewife speaks French so I will not translate – I suggest an evening course if your linguistic skills are lacking.
A Brief History
Welcome back dear readers for another installment of this indispensable guide to Homosexual Happiness in the Home. We are now well underway on our journey through the wonderful world of queer housekeeping and I hope you are enjoying our time together. If not, as I have previously said, you are probably a slob therefore should close the browser on your cheap computer, switch it off, put on a velour tracksuit and hang out by a bus stop with other kindred spirits.
Now for those of you with true potential I feel I should share with you a bit about myself so you can understand where I came from and what motivates me in the home. I have had much the same asked by several eager readers so now I will share all with you. Dear readers, I was born in Windsor where I grew up in a charming little English hamlet named, Little Dimsbottom. It was while at secondary school in Home Economics classes under the fine tutelage of the veritable Mrs Dinney that I became interested in domesticity. I was a wiz with budgeting for the home, darning socks came easily, I could make a pinney blindfolded (an apron for my American readers) and could whip up a nutritionally balanced yet tasty meal for a family of four in a matter of minutes. My mother was on a permanent holiday in her own home and by the time I was 15 I didn’t even need recipe books – I was writing them. Where do you think Jamie Oliver got his inspiration? Me behind a bike shed – that’s where; and we all know how the gay housewife feels about him!
Anyway, showing early promise I was chosen to attend the “Conservatoire pour la Maison Homosexuelle”*, a queer finishing school in San Francisco. It was there in the view of the Golden Gate’s massive span I honed my skills as a host, studying every thing from embroidery to scrap booking to cuisines of the world. My crowning achievement was, at only 18 years of age, throwing a lavish dinner party for 250 Naval Officers on shore leave. Yes, at that tender age my skills were stretched, but the throbbing round of applause I received at the end of the night showed me my destiny was as a host in my own perfect homosexual home.
However, at this point I was not ready to be married and settle down. Although my already massive experience as a host was no small achievement I still felt rough around the edges, however I was soon to find my polish. While holidaying in the South of France with my parents the summer after graduating with honors and decorations from Conservatoire pour la Maison Homosexuelle we visited my “single” uncle, Tristan’s chateau, beautifully named, Le Grand Bite. It was here I first truly saw perfect homosexual domesticity; his interior decoration was sublime, the chateau’s grounds were kept in excellent condition, his cooking was exceptional and he managed the help with a firm but fair hand. It was while sipping a fine Veuve Clicquot on his terrace overlooking the grandeur of the Alps he happened to mention his “friend”, who lived with him, was establishing a degree course in Homosexual Housekeeping at Cambridge University, commencing in October the following year. At once I knew this was the only course for me and I would be its star pupil.
After taking a gap year helping those suffering from scrap booking and needle work disasters I commenced my studies at Peterhouse College, Cambridge, under the watchful eye of, evidently, my uncles partner, the wonderful Harry McBurney. Here I was able to experiment with all areas of homemaking with absolute freedom to both succeed and fail; it was bliss. Sometime during the spring of my second year we were lucky enough to have a guest lecture from the renowned homemaker and philanthropist Edwin DuPrez. The title of his speech was “Healing through Homemaking”, he had done a great deal of research on the regenerative powers running a good home can have on the individual, with particular reference to those who lived in Hull. He had successfully used devices such as hosting dinner parties, cake decorating and antiquing to rehabilitate over 14 gay men from Hull. To this day they are all running happy homes in London – some of them were even Chavs. To say I was inspired by his work is an understatement; DuPrez showed me my profession was not something solely for the benefit of the gay family unit, but society as a whole. I took this new approach to the heart of my work, which resulted in “Chavs – causes and potential remedies using homemaking as a cure”, my prize-winning thesis. This helped me achieve a double first and, unsurprisingly, come out top of my class.
It was only natural that I should go on to do my MHomoEc with such a success at an undergraduate level. I continued Du Prez’s healing through homemaking approach to my studies with “When Functionality fails in the Kitchen and it’s effect on the mind of the gay housewife” as my MHomoEc research topic and achieved a similar success to my undergrad dissertation. It was also during this year I met my now husband, William Haughton Riess Bullock, at the time an Economics’ MEc student. He was a benefactor of “Bake Sales for Justice”, a society I ran at Peterhouse and through that association he came to one of my many fabulous dinner parties thrown in aid of the poor. Bing a proper gentleman he called on my rooms a few days later to thank me for my hospitality so I invited him in for a cup of coffee. We hit it off over my divine home roast Columbian and Robusta blend, and well, the rest is history.
After completing my MHomoEc I wanted nothing more than to make a home with William but I also wanted to bring my studies to their final conclusion, in the form of a Phd, yes my dears, I wanted to be a doctor of Homo Economics. I was fortunate enough to be able to kill two birds with one stone when Lloyds of London sought William out for a top job in the city. This provided an ideal opportunity. “Perfect Homosexual Domesticity for the Gay Housewife”, my Phd, could now be fully researched and written for William now had the means for us to set up a magnificent first home, in which I could conduct my research. Yes my dears, that Phd research is the basis for this guide you are now reading.
Sadly William and I are not in our wonderful first home any more. However, we sold at a profit and moved for William to be closer to his work and for me to be closer to the resources every gay housewife needs i.e. Harrods, Waitrose and Spa’s. We now live in a thoroughly modern 3-floor loft conversion in Shorditch, taking occasional weekend breaks to our cottage in Devon. So there we have it dear readers, me and my life. I hope you have enjoyed reading about my truly blessed life. Remember, you to can live like I do simply by following my handy hints. If you have any questions or tips please feel free to get in touch via MySpace or email
Next time: Location, location, location; where to locate your perfect gay home.
*any good housewife speaks French so I will not translate – I suggest an evening course if your linguistic skills are lacking.
posted by Arthur Stewart at 5:42 pm
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