Sex, Dirty Sex
Dear Homo Housewives,
Greetings, yet another week has past and now after what felt like such a slow start to 2007 things are moving again. I have been told we have something called Celebrity Big Brother to keep the slobs and heat magazine’s staff entertained for a few weeks, the circus of Westminster has dragged itself back from Miami, Kylies tour is nearly over and the sales are offering further reductions. Yes, this is a quiet time for the gay housewife, sales shopping done, husbands off to work, for those who have adopted, kids back to school, your friends partied out and everyone has joined a fucking gym so really what is there for the gay housewife to do but talk about sex?
Yes sex my dears. It is something I haven’t touched on, as it were, so far in my writings. Some would say sex is inappropriate to be discussed in polite company or by the gay housewife at all, but sadly those who seek to quash such bawdy talk have probably never had a proper orgasm, take Ann Widdecombe as your prime example. Others would say the gay housewife is a blushing, shy creature who would turn red at the very utterance of “COLT Slick Personal lubricant” and some would argue we are subservient creatures who ask for nothing and live only to serve our husbands demands. Well think again prissy bitches; we decorated the bedroom and we know how to run it!
After all, a gay housewife is a thoroughly modern man, we understand the world has moved on from the 1950’s, and we know pleasing our husband between the sheets is not the only thing we do in the bedroom; we are fully entitled to get what we want when we want it and without complaint. We are no possession of our husbands. Don’t get me wrong; the gay housewife doesn’t have to be an S&M master (unless he wants to be), just firm and persuasive in his desires. Simply put sex is too often see as a one way act where the top gets all his fun and the bottom is left to take care of matters largely by himself.
This inequality in the bedroom seems to be endemic of gay men at large. Before my husband, when having sexual encounters, it often felt like a struggle between me and the other gentleman for whose desires would be best met. Maybe this is because of the porn driven gay culture in which we now live were the top traditionally has all his fun at the expense of the bottom who seems to gain nothing from the experience other than the need for a soft cushion to sit on. Often porn is a young gay mans first experience of sex and it will understandably leave an impression. Due to this prevailing attitude possibly those who enjoy being a bottom are embarrassed to ask for more and the top simply assumes that is all he as to do.
I am speaking in broad terms here and naturally every relationship will have its own sexual dynamic, and this is something the gay housewife should be well aware of; tradition would suggest the housewife will be the more submissive bottom and the husband will be the more assertive top. From talking to my friends I would say this holds true only 50% of the time. The other 50% have husbands who like to be thrown down on a dirty kitchen floor and given a good seeing to. Being a master of the home and bedroom the gay housewife will ensure traditional expectations are brushed aside and a sexual democracy is created, though subtle persuasion and charm and failing this of course he will resort to bribery, extortion and threats. Remember, crossing your legs for a week is a great way to get what you want! Adhering to this method will ensure both partners in the relationship receive full sexual gratification, be it a bit of brown, foot fun, rubber balloons, plain normal fetish free sex or what ever lights your collective wicks so naturally your husband will go to work smiling and be the envy of all his colleagues.
This brings me to an important point. As men we know when another has had it the night before, and once more we know when he has had it good. Therefore perfection is important in this area in order to maintain the neighbors envy of you and of course ensure his gay colleagues envy him while wanting you and his straight colleagues start thinking about becoming friends with Dorothy. When you get a slew of unexpected attention at a work do of his or your annual Easter charity gala dinner you know you are succeeding in the bedroom! However, you also know this yourself when you feel fully satisfied, wonder if you have broken a law or can’t walk properly the following day, and gents, I say it again, getting what you want, what ever it is, is important. Your glow to the neighbors should say as much as his does about how much better your life is than theirs.
So there we have it for this week my dear readers; the gay housewife master of the home, master of the bedroom and master creating the perfect sex life to please yourselves and piss off the neighbors!
Love to All
(m)Arthur
x
Say hello at MySpace or email me or leave a comment. I love to share home making tips!.
Dear Homo Housewives,
Greetings, yet another week has past and now after what felt like such a slow start to 2007 things are moving again. I have been told we have something called Celebrity Big Brother to keep the slobs and heat magazine’s staff entertained for a few weeks, the circus of Westminster has dragged itself back from Miami, Kylies tour is nearly over and the sales are offering further reductions. Yes, this is a quiet time for the gay housewife, sales shopping done, husbands off to work, for those who have adopted, kids back to school, your friends partied out and everyone has joined a fucking gym so really what is there for the gay housewife to do but talk about sex?
Yes sex my dears. It is something I haven’t touched on, as it were, so far in my writings. Some would say sex is inappropriate to be discussed in polite company or by the gay housewife at all, but sadly those who seek to quash such bawdy talk have probably never had a proper orgasm, take Ann Widdecombe as your prime example. Others would say the gay housewife is a blushing, shy creature who would turn red at the very utterance of “COLT Slick Personal lubricant” and some would argue we are subservient creatures who ask for nothing and live only to serve our husbands demands. Well think again prissy bitches; we decorated the bedroom and we know how to run it!
After all, a gay housewife is a thoroughly modern man, we understand the world has moved on from the 1950’s, and we know pleasing our husband between the sheets is not the only thing we do in the bedroom; we are fully entitled to get what we want when we want it and without complaint. We are no possession of our husbands. Don’t get me wrong; the gay housewife doesn’t have to be an S&M master (unless he wants to be), just firm and persuasive in his desires. Simply put sex is too often see as a one way act where the top gets all his fun and the bottom is left to take care of matters largely by himself.
This inequality in the bedroom seems to be endemic of gay men at large. Before my husband, when having sexual encounters, it often felt like a struggle between me and the other gentleman for whose desires would be best met. Maybe this is because of the porn driven gay culture in which we now live were the top traditionally has all his fun at the expense of the bottom who seems to gain nothing from the experience other than the need for a soft cushion to sit on. Often porn is a young gay mans first experience of sex and it will understandably leave an impression. Due to this prevailing attitude possibly those who enjoy being a bottom are embarrassed to ask for more and the top simply assumes that is all he as to do.
I am speaking in broad terms here and naturally every relationship will have its own sexual dynamic, and this is something the gay housewife should be well aware of; tradition would suggest the housewife will be the more submissive bottom and the husband will be the more assertive top. From talking to my friends I would say this holds true only 50% of the time. The other 50% have husbands who like to be thrown down on a dirty kitchen floor and given a good seeing to. Being a master of the home and bedroom the gay housewife will ensure traditional expectations are brushed aside and a sexual democracy is created, though subtle persuasion and charm and failing this of course he will resort to bribery, extortion and threats. Remember, crossing your legs for a week is a great way to get what you want! Adhering to this method will ensure both partners in the relationship receive full sexual gratification, be it a bit of brown, foot fun, rubber balloons, plain normal fetish free sex or what ever lights your collective wicks so naturally your husband will go to work smiling and be the envy of all his colleagues.
This brings me to an important point. As men we know when another has had it the night before, and once more we know when he has had it good. Therefore perfection is important in this area in order to maintain the neighbors envy of you and of course ensure his gay colleagues envy him while wanting you and his straight colleagues start thinking about becoming friends with Dorothy. When you get a slew of unexpected attention at a work do of his or your annual Easter charity gala dinner you know you are succeeding in the bedroom! However, you also know this yourself when you feel fully satisfied, wonder if you have broken a law or can’t walk properly the following day, and gents, I say it again, getting what you want, what ever it is, is important. Your glow to the neighbors should say as much as his does about how much better your life is than theirs.
So there we have it for this week my dear readers; the gay housewife master of the home, master of the bedroom and master creating the perfect sex life to please yourselves and piss off the neighbors!
Love to All
(m)Arthur
x
Say hello at MySpace or email me or leave a comment. I love to share home making tips!.
posted by Arthur Stewart at 6:43 PM
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