Gay Divorce – Who gets the Bone China?
This week’s topic has an unusual gravity my dears. Being a gay housewife is not all bright smiles and well-decorated cakes, no my dears, it can mean tackling serious and troubling issues. As I have previously mentioned, my studies at Cambridge concentrated on the application of gay housewifery to alleviate social injustice. This led me to chair many worthy charities such as “Bake Sales for Justice” and “Embroidery for the Emancipation Women”, plus many more causes worthy of any gay housewife’s attentions.
Gay Divorce is no exception to the cannon of the gay housewife’s attentions. While only a few weeks ago I was exalting the merits of gay marriage I feel it is only fair I should give due attention to the sad subject of gay divorce, something I hope neither myself nor any of you my dears has to experience. The build up can be protracted, the break up chaotic, the recriminations deeply unpleasant and the fight over the bone china last months in a court of law. It must be remembered, after a few years of running a home with the kind of iron fisted determination it takes to create perfection, when wronged the gay housewife is well placed to exact his revenge.
There are generally 4 causes of Gay Divorce, all usually the partners’ fault, rarely the gay housewife’s and all grounds for serious compensation. From my studies I have concluded these are:
- Slobbery; the husband is discovered to be a slob, and most likely from Hull. Despite counseling and shock therapy he still wants to travel on Ryan Air or shop at IKEA. Divorce is inevitable.
- Relocation; the husbands work wants to take him to some god forsaken Island in the middle of the north sea or Birmingham, reasoning with him fails. Again divorce is inevitable.
- Financial; the husband refuses to give you a suitable allowance or allow you to work. Clearly the man is stuck in the Victorian ages and has no clue how to treat a gentleman. Skip any kind of discussion and reach for the decree nici.
- Violence or Infidelity. Neither are nice or acceptable but you will get more in the divorce settlement.
Whatever the cause, if you find yourself facing a divorce it is essential the settlement rules in your favor. Often as a gay housewife you will have little or no money of your own because you have forsaken your own career to care and nurture for your husband, therefore, his achievements, promotions, possessions and money are as much yours as they are his. It is important to make this very clear when you begin divorce proceedings. I suggest making a long list of everything you have done to further your man and presenting this to your divorce attorney. This may be painful but now it is time for revenge, not sniveling over a bottle of Chablis with Streisand playing in the background. Remember your man has betrayed your trust; he may have hidden his slobbery, beaten you or failed to listen to your reasoned arguments for an increase in your allowance. This kind of betrayal must not be easily forgotten and can only be forgiven with a 40 to 50% settlement sum. If you’re looking for hints, take a look at this list. All those housewives did a fine job of milking their former husbands for a very respectable sum. It must also be remembered that recently judges have been ruling that maintenance costs can go beyond that of living costs and the sum should reflect the contribution the housewife made to the marriage. So at least if you have to endure such an unpleasant process the law is stacked in your favor!
However, the real dilemma is not a financial one, it is a social one. The Corbusier sideboard is one thing, but who gets the friends is another. For some reason ex-husbands seem to think they are entitled to a fair share in this area, after all, you are only taking half of his money not all of it so why should you have all the friends? Simply put: who’s cooking, decorating, charm and social poise made them your friends in the first place? Your husband, working all day, simply walking into a Dinner Party, or you, who spent hours lovingly preparing party after party, charming the right neighbors and thrilling his boss with your diamond sharp whit? There’s no real discussion here. You take it all. No doubt when he finds his next husband the poor fool will create a circle of friends for him as sublime as before for him only to lose them again when his nasty little habits surface.
So fellow poofs, please for your own dignity make sure you get as much money and as many assets as you can and leave no friend behind, and if one of your dear friends is going through an ugly divorce please pass this advice on. Remember, we have each other as well as our husbands so stick together my dears and you’ll be down the isle with a true gentleman in no time. Please name and shame your ex-husbands at MySpace or email me and together we will create perfect homosexual domesticity for all.
Love you all
(m)Arthur
x
This week’s topic has an unusual gravity my dears. Being a gay housewife is not all bright smiles and well-decorated cakes, no my dears, it can mean tackling serious and troubling issues. As I have previously mentioned, my studies at Cambridge concentrated on the application of gay housewifery to alleviate social injustice. This led me to chair many worthy charities such as “Bake Sales for Justice” and “Embroidery for the Emancipation Women”, plus many more causes worthy of any gay housewife’s attentions.
Gay Divorce is no exception to the cannon of the gay housewife’s attentions. While only a few weeks ago I was exalting the merits of gay marriage I feel it is only fair I should give due attention to the sad subject of gay divorce, something I hope neither myself nor any of you my dears has to experience. The build up can be protracted, the break up chaotic, the recriminations deeply unpleasant and the fight over the bone china last months in a court of law. It must be remembered, after a few years of running a home with the kind of iron fisted determination it takes to create perfection, when wronged the gay housewife is well placed to exact his revenge.
There are generally 4 causes of Gay Divorce, all usually the partners’ fault, rarely the gay housewife’s and all grounds for serious compensation. From my studies I have concluded these are:
- Slobbery; the husband is discovered to be a slob, and most likely from Hull. Despite counseling and shock therapy he still wants to travel on Ryan Air or shop at IKEA. Divorce is inevitable.
- Relocation; the husbands work wants to take him to some god forsaken Island in the middle of the north sea or Birmingham, reasoning with him fails. Again divorce is inevitable.
- Financial; the husband refuses to give you a suitable allowance or allow you to work. Clearly the man is stuck in the Victorian ages and has no clue how to treat a gentleman. Skip any kind of discussion and reach for the decree nici.
- Violence or Infidelity. Neither are nice or acceptable but you will get more in the divorce settlement.
Whatever the cause, if you find yourself facing a divorce it is essential the settlement rules in your favor. Often as a gay housewife you will have little or no money of your own because you have forsaken your own career to care and nurture for your husband, therefore, his achievements, promotions, possessions and money are as much yours as they are his. It is important to make this very clear when you begin divorce proceedings. I suggest making a long list of everything you have done to further your man and presenting this to your divorce attorney. This may be painful but now it is time for revenge, not sniveling over a bottle of Chablis with Streisand playing in the background. Remember your man has betrayed your trust; he may have hidden his slobbery, beaten you or failed to listen to your reasoned arguments for an increase in your allowance. This kind of betrayal must not be easily forgotten and can only be forgiven with a 40 to 50% settlement sum. If you’re looking for hints, take a look at this list. All those housewives did a fine job of milking their former husbands for a very respectable sum. It must also be remembered that recently judges have been ruling that maintenance costs can go beyond that of living costs and the sum should reflect the contribution the housewife made to the marriage. So at least if you have to endure such an unpleasant process the law is stacked in your favor!
However, the real dilemma is not a financial one, it is a social one. The Corbusier sideboard is one thing, but who gets the friends is another. For some reason ex-husbands seem to think they are entitled to a fair share in this area, after all, you are only taking half of his money not all of it so why should you have all the friends? Simply put: who’s cooking, decorating, charm and social poise made them your friends in the first place? Your husband, working all day, simply walking into a Dinner Party, or you, who spent hours lovingly preparing party after party, charming the right neighbors and thrilling his boss with your diamond sharp whit? There’s no real discussion here. You take it all. No doubt when he finds his next husband the poor fool will create a circle of friends for him as sublime as before for him only to lose them again when his nasty little habits surface.
So fellow poofs, please for your own dignity make sure you get as much money and as many assets as you can and leave no friend behind, and if one of your dear friends is going through an ugly divorce please pass this advice on. Remember, we have each other as well as our husbands so stick together my dears and you’ll be down the isle with a true gentleman in no time. Please name and shame your ex-husbands at MySpace or email me and together we will create perfect homosexual domesticity for all.
Love you all
(m)Arthur
x
posted by Arthur Stewart at 4:41 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home