Dearest Readers,
Apologies for the not having posted any handy homosexual homemaking hints in the past week. I have had to go away on unexpected, yet very important business. I have been hired to salvage Pete and Nikki's relationship, dismal home arrangements and in general stop them from being so cheap; how many covers of Heat magazine can you be on before you've sold your sole to EMAP?

To anyone familiar with these two you will be only too aware of the awesome task this is; the wedding cake they were thinking of buying, one word: common.

I am sorry saving such a tawdry pair has had to come at your expense. I have nearly finished salvaging some sense of dignity from these miserable creatures. My plan; Pete will lose all the nasty emo dressings and more importantly drop Nikki, and go on to become a gay fashion icon and our our bleached perma tanned tart Nikki will go on to become a Pramface in Croydon as has always been her destiny!

Normal service resumes next week my dears, until then, I wish you all perfect homosexual domesticity.

(m)Arthur X