Manly Men
Greetings dear readers! Where have I been I hear you shout? Darlings I have been every where, if I wasn’t trying to keep the pro-gay wing of the Anglican church fighting fit, I was being courted by David Cameron to make the Tory’s more gay friendly! I’ve been in a pink haze but I am now safely back home with my darling husband and of course with you my dear readers. With such a long absence so much has happened, Shilpa V’s Goody, a sexy and black Democrat running for President, the gay Housewife’s favorite South African, the lovely Mr Tutu condemning the American Anglican church for its homophobia and John Amaechi, a former NBA pro, came out and most shockingly of all, nearly half of all Indian women have not heard of Aids! So naturally my topic of discussion this week is the gay man vs. his heterosexual counterpart
Us gay housewives, the good ones at least, tend to be of the Alpha male variety therefore, a large part of our work is showing our neighbors and friends how much better we are at, well, everything and making sure they never forget this, after all what is society about other than the survival of the fittest. The more dinner party’s I throw the clear it becomes to me that creationism is nothing more than fanciful religious nonsense; evolution is how we came to be. But that is by the by, we all have it within us to be merciless in achieving success; this is a norm in the world of business dominated by the Alpha male. But what of the world us gay housewives operate in, we have no account to land, no colleague to be promoted above, no sales target to meet. Surely all that is expected is a clean home, a satisfied man and the odd fabulous dinner party? After all, we are the softer of the sex are we not?
Well, no! Recently, in one of my weaker moments I was accused of being “poofy”. I saw red dear readers, why as a gay man when I show weakness am I suddenly demoted to being a bit poofy, rather than simply human? Equally, when I assert myself I suddenly become a bitch, not a strong self-assertive man! I was riled. As a gay man I am as strong as my heterosexual counter part, I just use different tools to fight my battles.
Like my female counter parts it is my age-honored rite to wage social warfare on my neighbors while maintaining the pretense of neighborly serenity. While our husbands and hetro counter parts will use Machiavellian charm and chauvinistic bullying to up their monthly bonus, we will employ similar techniques to ensure our summer garden party’s are the best attended, most discussed events of the season or similarly make sure the charity art sale Mr X from number 23 is holding is either a complete success or a resounding failure depending on how he’s conducted his affairs of late!
This suburban warfare is fought with strategy, skill and artillery any American general would be proud of, but because a gay housewife is a gentleman above all else, blood, sweat and profanity are not involved. Instead we use our gentlemanly cunning to plan our next move and counter attack, we fight with razor sharp parlance; our gears of war are not bullets but finely honed, razor sharp epithets. This form of warfare requires a man with a devious mind who is able to think at lightning pace to remain one step ahead of his enemy. To hone and master all these skills makes a formidable man so please don’t tell me the enjoyment of a bit of bum fun makes you any less of a man. It is all too easy for the heterosexual population to quell their fear and misunderstanding of us by diminishing us as men, but it is false and unfair and we should do more to fight this image of the gay man being a week man. Allowing ourselves to be seen in this way only makes it easier for us to be beaten down.
I fully consider myself a man, I may like it up the wrong end, I may appreciate fine floral arrangement, I may understand Brunhilda’s angst in the final act of the Ring Cycle, but this does not diminish me as a man. A fine cock and gentlemanly conduct I my opinion make a good man, gay or straight, and these are both things I own so those who wish to emasculate me may try, but in my heart I’ll be more of a man than they’ll ever be.
Say hello at MySpace
Greetings dear readers! Where have I been I hear you shout? Darlings I have been every where, if I wasn’t trying to keep the pro-gay wing of the Anglican church fighting fit, I was being courted by David Cameron to make the Tory’s more gay friendly! I’ve been in a pink haze but I am now safely back home with my darling husband and of course with you my dear readers. With such a long absence so much has happened, Shilpa V’s Goody, a sexy and black Democrat running for President, the gay Housewife’s favorite South African, the lovely Mr Tutu condemning the American Anglican church for its homophobia and John Amaechi, a former NBA pro, came out and most shockingly of all, nearly half of all Indian women have not heard of Aids! So naturally my topic of discussion this week is the gay man vs. his heterosexual counterpart
Us gay housewives, the good ones at least, tend to be of the Alpha male variety therefore, a large part of our work is showing our neighbors and friends how much better we are at, well, everything and making sure they never forget this, after all what is society about other than the survival of the fittest. The more dinner party’s I throw the clear it becomes to me that creationism is nothing more than fanciful religious nonsense; evolution is how we came to be. But that is by the by, we all have it within us to be merciless in achieving success; this is a norm in the world of business dominated by the Alpha male. But what of the world us gay housewives operate in, we have no account to land, no colleague to be promoted above, no sales target to meet. Surely all that is expected is a clean home, a satisfied man and the odd fabulous dinner party? After all, we are the softer of the sex are we not?
Well, no! Recently, in one of my weaker moments I was accused of being “poofy”. I saw red dear readers, why as a gay man when I show weakness am I suddenly demoted to being a bit poofy, rather than simply human? Equally, when I assert myself I suddenly become a bitch, not a strong self-assertive man! I was riled. As a gay man I am as strong as my heterosexual counter part, I just use different tools to fight my battles.
Like my female counter parts it is my age-honored rite to wage social warfare on my neighbors while maintaining the pretense of neighborly serenity. While our husbands and hetro counter parts will use Machiavellian charm and chauvinistic bullying to up their monthly bonus, we will employ similar techniques to ensure our summer garden party’s are the best attended, most discussed events of the season or similarly make sure the charity art sale Mr X from number 23 is holding is either a complete success or a resounding failure depending on how he’s conducted his affairs of late!
This suburban warfare is fought with strategy, skill and artillery any American general would be proud of, but because a gay housewife is a gentleman above all else, blood, sweat and profanity are not involved. Instead we use our gentlemanly cunning to plan our next move and counter attack, we fight with razor sharp parlance; our gears of war are not bullets but finely honed, razor sharp epithets. This form of warfare requires a man with a devious mind who is able to think at lightning pace to remain one step ahead of his enemy. To hone and master all these skills makes a formidable man so please don’t tell me the enjoyment of a bit of bum fun makes you any less of a man. It is all too easy for the heterosexual population to quell their fear and misunderstanding of us by diminishing us as men, but it is false and unfair and we should do more to fight this image of the gay man being a week man. Allowing ourselves to be seen in this way only makes it easier for us to be beaten down.
I fully consider myself a man, I may like it up the wrong end, I may appreciate fine floral arrangement, I may understand Brunhilda’s angst in the final act of the Ring Cycle, but this does not diminish me as a man. A fine cock and gentlemanly conduct I my opinion make a good man, gay or straight, and these are both things I own so those who wish to emasculate me may try, but in my heart I’ll be more of a man than they’ll ever be.
Say hello at MySpace
posted by Arthur Stewart at 10:54 AM
0 comments
links to this post
